My Birthday

On tuesday which was my birthday my husband gave me a poem and I wanted to post it here for all to see!!!

To My Wife

Through out my life it has always seemed

That I am alone and always to be

Then you came along in to my life

With all that I need and became my wife

My love for you is as strong today

As it was back then when I ask you to stay

I am not very good at telling you why

I need you with me here by my side

You have given me the one thing I need

The love and support of a family

So always know and understand

That because of you I am a better man

-David Kelley

So needless to say it was a great day! After I got this we went to Olive Garden with the kids and ate until we couldn't eat anymore and the kids had the waitresses sing to me! Gotta love it!!

Where do I fit in?

The other day I was trying to clean up and came across this book. I have pushed aside several times and just wasn't interested. So that day I decided that I was going to read this book, it keeps popping up for a reason. It is called Restless Hearts by Marta Perry. Let me just tell you the kind of life changing book this was! The minute I finished it I knew that God kept putting this book in front of me for a reason. To sum it up it was about a women who moved to Amish Country in Pennsylvania. She hadn't quite put her finger on why but she went anyway. She went through many trials and tribulations but in the end found out why God had sent her back to this place. Her mother had passed away not too long after she was born and her father placed her into foster care. Not too long after her getting there she had a run in with her mothers family, who is Amish. I don't want to tell too much about the book, but I do want to recommend it.
This book has taught me that letting friends and family into your life is not a bad thing. Letting people love you for who you are is not a bad thing. That everyone isn't out to stab you in the back or hurt you. There are those bad ones that are but if you don't let yourself love and trust how are people going to be able to love and trust you? I know for many of you, you just fell off your chair. Take your time catching your breath. If you know me at all you know that my life is nothing but trials and tribulations. Then the very next day after reading this book I was placing it on the book shelf and found a book my sister Heather gave to me at Christmas. It is about facing your Giants. Coincidence?? I think NOT!!! So, I looked up and said 'Okay, you got me. I will read the book!' This book took a little bit to get through, okay a lot to get through. And once again I realized that I run from EVERYTHING! I hide it, I push it down, I push it away, I blame others... and the list just goes on and on. So needless to say the last couple of weeks have had very high peeks and very low valleys. But I made it! I made it through dealing with some of the most scariest stuff, hardest stuff and sadest stuff a person could ever want to face. It is just time to let go. There is no reason to hold on to things, so many people have forgiven me, what kind of person would I be if I didn't forgive others?
So to all those who I have ever hurt, lied to, pushed around and whatever else, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry.
'And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.' -Romans 8:28

Is anyone reading this?

Well, I know I read my sisters posts as often as I can. Tonight as I was doing this I remember 'hey, I have one of these too'. Then I got to thinking, does anyone read it? Cause I haven't posted in a long time and no one has said anything..... So, here's an update, for those of you who do read it!

Well, David has seemed to have survived the layoffs at his work. Apparently Phillips does not do a permanent layoff, they do fur lows and give you a date when you will be back to work. So the people in the last round of 'fur lows' will be back in May but everyone who was let go under Genlyte no longer have a job. I guess something good did come out from this buyout. Oh, and we get a discount on all Phillips made items.

I, am still working at Walmart. I now work 4p to 1a and let me tell you, there is nothing more straining on your kids and your marriage when 5 out of 7 days you get home after everyone is fast asleep. You kind of lose your connection, for the lack of a better word, to things. Mikaylas grades are suffering and David and I are have more fights then ever. So needless to say getting off this shift will be the best thing for us all! But, I did get hurt at work and it has been a fiasco to say the least. The doctor thought I had a partial tear in my Achilles tendon but they ruled that out with an MRI but there is still too much fluid on my ankle to see if I have a fracture on my heal bone. I have been on crutches for just over a week now and have 2 more weeks to go and I now am sporting a purple cast. That Mikayla did an AWESOME job decorating tonight. I will have to get a picture of it on here. My next follow up is April 9th, yippe!

My Ms. Mikayla, she is having some troubles in school. She was getting bad grades on tests and having issues with the girls in her class. But, since I have been home she has gotten 2 A's and 2 B's on test she has taken. So, that tells me that she isn't happy with me working 4 to 1. AND MY LITTLE GIRL NEEDS ME!!!! She wants to play soccer again, so I am in the process of signing her up for that, but she is losing interest in Girl Scouts. But, she has to finish the year in scouts because I have always told her, you finish what you start. And to my surprise she agreed.

Now Brenton, well he got out of his cast about a month or more ago and is doing well. With the one exception that he still has a fear of NOTHING! He still is jumping on/off/around the bed and everything else...LOL! I guess it is all part of being a little boy. He tells me all the time that he is okay and let him be. I guess I am just there to kiss the booboo's when he gets them, which don't get me wrong I am TOTALLY okay with that because then I can get to hold him because that NEVER happens anymore! But, I really need to get him back in Pre-School, the unfortunate thing is the only one in this area that will take him not potty trained is an actual day care and he has no reason to be in daycare at this point. But hopefully soon he will. And this whole potty training thing is going to be the death of me! He has NO INTEREST in it at all. I have tried everything, I even resorted to bribing him. But nothing. So if anyone has any ideas I am open to anything at this point!!

Well, I will attach some pics and get to bed!

Crazy as usual!

Well, I was working 3rd shift at Wal-Mart but my diabetes went all wacko and I had to move to 2nd. So I now work 4pm to 1am. It is VERY physical but I have lost 2 pant sizes, so if nothing else it is exercises 5 days a week!
Things are crazy as usual, on January 9th Brenton fell off the bed and broke his right arm. He had a check up today and it is healing great and he will get his cast off in 2 weeks. YEAH!!! But he still thinks he can jump off of anything, I caught him jumping on the bed just today...
Mikayla is still having trouble adjusting to her new school, I am signing her up for Sylvan as her school doesn't offer tutoring. What school doesn't have some sort of tutoring program??? Don't high school kids do that anymore or is that not the cool thing to do? Her dad and his girlfriend split up so he will be moving AGAIN for the 3rd time in a year and a half. I'm sure that has nothing to do with her having trouble in school!
David's work has started their layoffs. They are walking out 16 people from the factory side and who knows how many from the office. His boss told him today that their department will most likely take a hit before it is all said and done. But there are people in there that don't work and David does their job and his but you never know. So we are praying that he doesn't get laid off.
But, other than all that we are doing good!

Ready for Christmas???

Am I ready for Christmas is the question that I keep getting...... Well, lets see.
1. My house is still full of boxes
2. We just decorated our tree after it being in the living room since last Monday
3. My dinning room table is still in pieces
4. All the presents are in the trunk
5. Have not wrapped a single thing
6. and finally I have only bought like 4 gifts

Am I ready... nope, don't think so...
But, the thing is that it is going to come anyway whether I am ready or not... so I say bring it on!

Hope everyone has a bless Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Reflection...

Well, so much has happened in 2008 good and bad. The beginning of the year was good... had to deal with some stupid people but they are everywhere...LOL I have had some ups and many downs this year. I watch people that I knew well and barely knew at all lose their lives. Some were understandable, some not so much. I watched my mom go from her death bed to walking to sitting, to holding her hand while she took her last breath. And I can honestly say no matter what anyone tells you, that picture never leaves. Friday December 19, today is 2 weeks and I still see it like it was yesterday. I guess that is why I am writing this today. I lost someone who one minute I had the best relationship in the world with and then the next she didn't want anything to do with me. But I always could call her or send a letter to her to spark the relationship with her. I find myself still trying to do that but I haven't quiet figured out the number to heaven yet, but I am working on it. I miss her dearly and everyday ask her to wrap her arms around me and let me know she is there. Two years ago this Christmas she was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. It freaked me out but when I extended my hand to her she pushed me away. I hadn't spoke to her since until I got the call from her husband to let me know that she was laying in a bed in shock trauma fighting for her life because an anurisym burst in her brain. She recovered from that and was in therapy to come home when at work I got another call saying she was in a coma and it was the end and I needed to come see her. I went to see her 3 times with in a 5 day span and the last time was to turn off her vent. I can remember growing up her saying very clearly that she did not want to live on a machine. So with the family in the room, we all said our good byes and they took out the tube. 30 minutes later she was gone. I watched her take slower shorter breaths and when she took her last one it felt like a knife in my heart. She was gone. But looking back on everything she had been through the last 3 months I was so proud of her for fighting as long as she did. She gave it her all, and man was it amazing. She survived an anerisym... how many people have done that??? She made amends with all her family and then left in peace. She has done some horrible things to me and many others but after seeing her strong will, her fight and her drive I have to say that I do admire her. It is very horrible that it took her dying for me to see it.
But after all this babbleing, the moral of the story is, during this Holiday season if you do nothing else please, take that extra few seconds to give that hug, to tell someone that you care about them. To just care about someone other than yourself. And for God sake if you are not getting along with a parent, sibling or spouse take the first step to let them know you care, because you don't want to have to say good bye at a funeral home wondering if they can hear you.

My Mom

Well, on Friday December 5th 2008 at 3:02pm my mom passes away. My mom and I had a pretty good relationship when I was a kid but the older I got the rougher it got. As I had written in my previous blogs that she had been in the hospital with a brain aneurysm and had lung cancer on top of that. But neither of these things are what took her. We were sitting in the 'consult' room in the ICU which is never good, and the Nero doctor advised us that her brain had been deprived of oxygen and she had major brain damage and was in a vegetative state. At that point the family debated and decided that it would be best if we took her tracheotomy out and let her go. Thirty minutes later she was gone. I sat there holding her hand the entire time telling her that I loved her and it was okay to go home. I have cried a little but I don't think that it has fully hit me yet. On the other hand I have become much closer with God in the last couple of weeks through all of this and know she is in a better place now. I am sure the viewing and funeral will be hard, but if it wasn't would I have a heart? I have been going through some old pictures and found one of my mom sitting on the couch playing with Mikayla when she was about 7 months old. Our relationship was very sporadic at best but I know she tried but there were a lot of things playing into all of her hate and anger than I knew at the time. Since my mom's passing on Friday I have learned a lot about her childhood and things she went through. But I do know this, as my uncle Phil tells me all the time there is no place for hate in your life, it will just eat you up. That is why I have forgiven my mom for everything that happened between us, it doesn't mean I have to forget them, I just have to let it go and move forward.
I will miss my mom dearly, but we will be together again one day with no harsh feelings and nothing but love.
Rest in Peace Mom..... I love you.