Reflection...

Well, so much has happened in 2008 good and bad. The beginning of the year was good... had to deal with some stupid people but they are everywhere...LOL I have had some ups and many downs this year. I watch people that I knew well and barely knew at all lose their lives. Some were understandable, some not so much. I watched my mom go from her death bed to walking to sitting, to holding her hand while she took her last breath. And I can honestly say no matter what anyone tells you, that picture never leaves. Friday December 19, today is 2 weeks and I still see it like it was yesterday. I guess that is why I am writing this today. I lost someone who one minute I had the best relationship in the world with and then the next she didn't want anything to do with me. But I always could call her or send a letter to her to spark the relationship with her. I find myself still trying to do that but I haven't quiet figured out the number to heaven yet, but I am working on it. I miss her dearly and everyday ask her to wrap her arms around me and let me know she is there. Two years ago this Christmas she was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. It freaked me out but when I extended my hand to her she pushed me away. I hadn't spoke to her since until I got the call from her husband to let me know that she was laying in a bed in shock trauma fighting for her life because an anurisym burst in her brain. She recovered from that and was in therapy to come home when at work I got another call saying she was in a coma and it was the end and I needed to come see her. I went to see her 3 times with in a 5 day span and the last time was to turn off her vent. I can remember growing up her saying very clearly that she did not want to live on a machine. So with the family in the room, we all said our good byes and they took out the tube. 30 minutes later she was gone. I watched her take slower shorter breaths and when she took her last one it felt like a knife in my heart. She was gone. But looking back on everything she had been through the last 3 months I was so proud of her for fighting as long as she did. She gave it her all, and man was it amazing. She survived an anerisym... how many people have done that??? She made amends with all her family and then left in peace. She has done some horrible things to me and many others but after seeing her strong will, her fight and her drive I have to say that I do admire her. It is very horrible that it took her dying for me to see it.
But after all this babbleing, the moral of the story is, during this Holiday season if you do nothing else please, take that extra few seconds to give that hug, to tell someone that you care about them. To just care about someone other than yourself. And for God sake if you are not getting along with a parent, sibling or spouse take the first step to let them know you care, because you don't want to have to say good bye at a funeral home wondering if they can hear you.